The Origins of Astrology

- Welcome! This year's “Future Affairs Circle” is going to be unforgettable for all us futurologists. The beginning of the 1st century...hmmm... well I guess we can speak freely here... let me rephrase: the beginning of the 1st century BCE, is going to be revolutionary! We may all be successful professionals but one must never stop researching and exchanging The Knowledge. My dear colleagues as we all know telling the future is a very demanding science. Too many omens, various foretelling techniques, prophesies that don't make sense, gods that change their minds all the time and what is it for us? Danger, exhaustion and sometimes, suspiciousness and dispute. So learn from the best and listen what scientific news we bring you this year! Our first speaker is Razda Habti from Egypt! Razda has discovered a new amazing foretelling science and wants to share with you!

- Thank you Mador! Hello ladies and gentlemen. As you are all aware of, I am a very famous futurologist in Egypt. Until last year no one knew me and now I am the only futurologist to be granted a pyramid after death. During the previous twenty years I was researching every single foretelling science and conducting various social experiments to see their acceptance from patients. But let's take it from the start by asking you some questions. Let's begin with this lady first. What is your name? Oh oh, don't tell me... it's...it's Pythonia, right?
- It's Pythia...
- I'm sorry. The signal reception is not that good in this forest. Anyway Pythia tell us the details of your technique. What happens in a session? What are the stages?
- I follow the traditional stages actually. The patient knocks my door, puts 20 gold coins on the table, I say the words and he leaves.
- No, no I meant the scientific stages and how exactly you predict the future.
- Oh! There is a rock inside my oracle and I inhale the vapours from it's chasm. Although sometimes there are no vapours so I have special leaves that do the job. After that, I'm in ecstasy and that's it, really. They say I predict the future but I never remember what I said and why. Of course everyone is happy and so I must be a great scientist.
- And your health? How is your health? For how long do you think you can keep inhaling those vapours or the leaves? Let's continue. You, sir?
- Hello... well I have a more complex technique. You see I ask the patient to bring along with his 20 gold coins, a sheep or a goat. The patient gives me the animal and I sacrifice it to their favourite god by cutting it's neck with a special knife. After that, I open the animal's belly and examine it's inner organs. That's how I tell the future. It's more complex than it sounds and there is a lot of science in it. For example, swollen intestines means that this poor man's future will definitely stink.
- How unhygienic! How unscientific! And all that blood!
- Unhygienic? When the procedure is done, I tell you I cook the animal very well before eating it.
- All that fat will harm you! I'll come back to you too. You sir?
- Who me? Oh, nothing fancy like leaves and blood. I just have a set of cards that the patient has to touch with his hands and ask the questions. I then set the cards on a table upside down, turn and read them. Look, here they are. Read some if you like. You'll get an idea.
- Okay, so this card says “The Lunatic” and “going to be mad soon, lose life or wife”, this says “Sun” and “about to be blinded, burned or have serious fever”, this says “Door” and “you should knock first”? Excuse me, there is nothing good happening with these cards?
- Ehh... no, not these. It's the Dark set of Cards. But I have the Light Cards too. You see, my patients choose whether they want to hear the good or the bad news first. But I prefer to start from the Dark; to make sure I will get paid, that is.
- And you manage to make a living?
- Well actually I am a blacksmith. Science is my hobby, you see.
- Enough. Let's move on with my technique. You will all understand in a few minutes. My experiments showed that people don't like vague prophesies. I found out that when one seeks for answers you must provide specific information like “yes” or “no”, you have to give a name, a place and time, and furthermore, it better be something your client wants to hear. If your foretelling is for horrible things to come then you are about to be left out of work; and that's the optimistic theory. My new science is called PlanetVision©. This new science has to do with planets and stars and how they influence us. You see each one of us is born under the influence of certain stars and a certain position of the planets.
- What do you mean planets and stars? Like the Moon?
- Yes, exactly. People born under the influence of the Moon are having certain characteristics that define their personality and future.
- Rubbish. My wife's influence on me can beat the whole galaxy! That's not science either!
- Yes it is. I'll show you. Tell me, what year were you born?
- Forty eight years ago.
- What month? The date?
- Not sure. Spring.
- You don't know? Any other details maybe?
- Well, Saturday for sure.
- Hmm... What time exactly?
- My mum said it was just after sunset.
- Perfect! Well, ladies and gentlemen this brilliant scientist here belongs to the sign of Leo.
- Which means?
- Which my friend means that you are kind, hard working and trustworthy. It also means that you are a magnificent man with love in your heart for all mankind. And you adore your wife. In fact you adore all women. A lot.
- Oh! That's me! Amazing!
- And you my dear? Details of birth?
- Winter. A Monday evening. Full moon.
- Full moon? Really? I thought so! Definitely a Virgo. My beautiful girl, you love knowledge and you are so clever that many future generations will talk about you. You also have a slight inclination to certain substances but all Virgos handle such things wisely. And you happen to like boys that are taller than you. With black, brown or blond hair. Oh! And you love your mother!
- How did you do it? It's so accurate! I think I am convinced. But the name...
- What about the name?
- You should use something more scientific. Something with “ology” in the end.
- Yes. And something easier for the uneducated masses.
- What about skyology?
- Too easy.
- Birthology?
- Complicated.
- Planetology?
- I like Planetology! It even sounds better Razda! Listen to this: Razda Habti, Planetologist.
- Excuse me but what about the existing Planetologists? We certainly don't want to be mistaken for those crazy fools! We are real scientists!
- True. And now that you mention it, my science is not only about planets. It's about all stars.
- Then call it Allstarology. It sounds scientific all right. Razda Habti, Allstarologist. What do you say?
- Great name! Razda Habti, Allstarologist. Allstarology it is! I wish you all a happy predictable year people!

Inspired by: James Randy's Horoscope, Skepchicks, Astrology Explored and a place where Astrology is scientific?! :D


Holistic Moms


(on the phone)

She has all the symptoms I am sure she caught it from school. Yes, demons again. She is possessed I tell you!
What? But it is obvious. The room is cold, her face is white, her teeth are brown and she exhales smelly smoke while speaking those unknown words.
You know, those ancient languages the possessed mumble all the time?
Yes, it seems those demons inside want to convince us they are old, educated and well respected, something like the chief demons of the first hierarchy.
Exactly how stupid they think we all are?Tell me dear, have you ever met a demon of a lower rank? Have you? I thought so!
I mean come on you can’t all be the Devil himself. What happened to the second or the third demonic hierarchies? But you can’t fool me misters. I went to school, remember?
And all that ancient language crap?
Give me a break anyone can do that. Especially if you are possessing children whose parent’s only idea of ancient times is Indiana Jones.
Tell me dear, have you ever heard of a linguistics professor ever been possessed by demons? Exactly.
I wonder when my baby is going to recover fully. I informed her school and they said she could miss class for a week but I am not sure if she will recover by then.
What worries me most is that she says the F word all the time! I’m telling you the minute those demons leave her body she is grounded.
What? Call the exorcists? Oh no dear. I’m no that kind of a mother. Those priests are no good for our children. Did you know that during an exorcism just after the priest dies, you could lose your child too?
I know! It seems sometimes some of those careless ignorants misdiagnose the exact size of the demonic infection and fail to count correctly all the demons inhabiting your children’s body.
But of course they won’t tell such things to parents. Oh no! They just send you those “Demon Control” leaflets all the time with the updated numbers and addresses of your region’s exorcists, their charges and then they expect you to stay to that. No misters. This mother is cleverer than that.
Have you seen the statistics? Yes, on the internet. There is a site called “Woo Science Exposed”. Well dear, allow me to inform you that 2% of our children die every year during those exorcisms! Yeah.
Absolutely true.
Heard about the Spring allergies burst? Ha! Let me tell you about those allergies!
No one knows what they put in that “holly water” stuff they soak your child. Judging from the blue smoke after the skin is burned this “holly water” must be full of chemicals or acids. “Prayers and Love make Holly Water”, my ass!
No. I’m not going to put my child in such a danger. I am an educated person and I have an open mind.
Just because they were the only ones to treat demonic possessions till now, this doesn’t mean they can keep underestimating our intelligence!
They can sabotage all new treatment they want by telling lies to parents but nowadays some of us can easily find out when they do.
Oh please stop it. Just do the math 2% is serious risk. It means that my child has a big chance to die. Come on a 2% of the infected children dead?
Die from a demonic possession? I’m sorry but that’s too ridiculous to accept. It’s like telling me that I can die from a cold. Last time I checked we were still in the 21st century!
I only say why don’t we give a chance to those modern and well educated holistic priests? They use a lot healthier and natural medicine to cure demonic possessions and they have no risk at all. It is 100% pure religion, no chemistry involved.
What do you mean side effects and deaths? Zero. None. 0%.
Really. And even the priests survive the exorcism. All of them.
Give me a break, that’s lies! Of course they are effective!
Okay maybe sometimes a demon or two escapes them but we’re talking Legions here! Maybe one of them cowards scared enough to come out of the body hides deeper inside the organs.
Between me and you I prefer that than the classic aggressive treatment that makes demons jump out of the body without caring to find the proper exit first.
But with holistic priests you have no such risks and you can always do a corrective exorcism! And another. And another.
After all they cost so little and they also offer you a two-month Mind Purification totally free of charge after the final exorcism.
What? But it is important! How can I let my child without purification after all those filthy thoughts the demons put in her brain?
Give me a break. Of course children remember everything! No, those memories hide and work underneath doing strange stuff to their brains. Have you heard of hypnosis? Oh well, it’s the only way to heal your subconscious demonic thoughts responsible for future failure in life.
Yes, they are coming today to evaluate the condition.
What? Your father?
No. No messages. What about your mother? Oh, I don’t know about her. I forgot to ask. But believe me if your mother has a message for you, they would tell me without asking. Nobody messes with your mother.
Yes, I’m sure she’s in heaven, dear! No it’s fine, okay I will ask, I guess it’ won’t hurt them to answer one more tiny question, it is such a small favor and after all they are free to shout whatever they want all day along with the F word, so they better give me two minutes for my messages or I will call the priests with the acids and the chemicals! Haha!
Oh, I have to go dear! It’s my only chance to clean that messy bed.
Yes it started. By now she must have reached the ceiling. Yes, yes, it’s been two minutes since the bed started shaking.
I say twenty more minutes and she’s down again. Oh yes, I can make it. It is enough for me. There is plenty of time to make it presentable again.
Oh no, no, she is asleep. She is too afraid of heights; you would hear her screams if she was awake! Well, demons or not, I have to clean that bed before they come for the holistic exorcism.
Yes dear, I will call you later.
God bless us all.

Inspired by: On open – mindedness :D


Earthquake predicted

The skinny old woman was wearing a worn black cloth faintly reminding of a robe. She had left the village ages ago to live in a cave by the sea. Some said she used to be a fisherman’s wife but after he died in a big storm she decided that gods owed her big time and so, she called herself a Sea God Expert, the Best Prophetess Ever Lived and started foretelling the future by interpreting sea signs. If for example you caught an octopus with nine legs and had nothing better to do, you’d run straight to her cave to find out if this meant extra money, good luck or even a bride. Everything was an omen or a godly sign according to her.

Once in a while this prophetess turned up in the street market and like Cassandra, she warned people of biblical disasters, storms and huge waves. And just like with Cassandra, people were very annoyed by her words because whether you were a prophetess or not, no matter if the gods were angry or happy, you knew that sometime soon they were going to throw another big storm, an earthquake or hailstones on you. Why give her credit for shouting in your ears bad news all the time?
How would she like it if you shouted to her ears that she would die someday soon? And then expect everyone to be very impressed by your prophetic powers; and all that during her funeral?

Of course sometimes she really impressed people. Not for her prophetic powers, though; it was mainly about the imagination of he prophecies. “Beware” she had cried one day. “The God Of Oysters is furious at you. You are murdering his children every day. I’m telling you this: throw all the pearls back to the sea now! Don't you know what an oyster has to suffer to become a pearl? Don't you? It takes years of prayers and faith and true regret to become a big shinny pearl. It’s the way the God Of Oysters shows he has forgiven all their oyster sins; by letting them transform into a beautiful pearl. Who are you to ruin that? Hailstones, the pearls of the sky, are on the way! The God Of Oysters is seeking revenge! You can’t just steal his pearls and make necklaces! It’s like… it’s like killing the virgin before the sacrifice! It is… it is… hybris!

However, all her predictions were of bad things to come. There wasn’t one good thing ever predicted by this woman’s lips and that’s why most didn’t really like her. She, on the other hand, when she saw sour faces she got mad and told them they would all thank her one day because “true scientists like prophetesses, witches, philosophers and priestesses don’t have to be popular too; their primal goal is to save their lives”. Their own lives she meant but she could use some popularity.

The market was full of people but her voice was very loud that day. Some laughed, some gathered to enjoy the show. She used to have a small bag around her neck with several seashells in it, which she used to throw in the air and then tell the future by the forms they took after falling on the sand. If for example, the seashells formed something like a circle this meant that someday from now in a year that contains a zero (that could be in 10, 20, 100 or 1000 years) the God Of Cetaceans* would sink the whole village unless they sacrificed a child. Then the crowd would laugh and scatter around the street shops leaving her alone to shout of calamities until she was exhausted.

She said the magic words, raised her hands and threw all the seashells as high as she could. People stepped back. When the seashells fell on the sand, it was obvious they formed the image of something like a snake.
Some couldn’t wait and started to guess:
- God Of Witch Eels! Oh wait, wait! It seems to glow a bit in the sun. Ok, I got it. It’s the God Of Electric Eels. That’s him sending the Sign.
- No, it glows too much. It’s The God Of Fire Eels. Definitely him.
- Oh, stop it! Don’t you see the space between those seashells? They are meant to be stripes. It is for sure The God Of Yellow-Lipped Sea Krait.
- No, can't you see? This is bigger. It must be The God Of Hydrophis Spyralis. Take a good look at my wooden foot; believe me I know how it looks from that close.

The old prophetess stepped forward and started to push people away from her seashells.
- Excuse me! Will you let me do my job? Please, don’t touch anything; you will ruin the evidence. Step back!
She went nearer, gave the shells a closer look, raised her hands and said:
- Well, it could be any of the gods you’ve already mentioned of course and you are right that it had to be a God of the Sea Snake Family but I’m afraid you are not yet aware of all the… unpleasant facts.
- What happened?
- Facts? What facts?
You see yesterday night while I was lying on the beach trying to relax from all those stupid Sirens singing all day, a young merman approached me. He was so handsome that if I wasn’t a scientist with such serious stuffs to handle, I would say yes to his proposal and become his immortal young wife. But the duty goes first! Anyway, he told me that Poseidon’s trident is about to struck our land. I asked him again and again but he swore he told me the truth. Poseidon himself, the God Of Sea Gods, Of All Fishes, Big Waves, Corals, Rocks, Seaweed And Sand, but mainly the God Of Earthquakes, is coming for us!
- Ok. I’ve had it. Someone call the police NOW!
- Yeah! We can’t let her keep scaring women and children like that!
- Good idea! It was about time. Take her to prison!

A big light drove their attention. It was like a cloud or a crystal ball just over the sea. A few seconds later, Poseidon rose from the dark waters and struck fiercely their land with his trident. A very few survived such an earthquake to tell this tale and among them the now younger and immortal prophetess.
And I’ll tell you one thing for sure: I was well respected after that. Oh, and another thing: Mermans are misunderstood. Take it from me, they rock.

*When the seashells formed a circle, everybody knew it would definitely be the God Of Cetaceans. You could easily tell which god would cause trouble this time. When the fish shells formed a line it was the God Of Eels, a bigger line was the God Of Witch Eels, a triangle was the God Of Angel Fish, a big triangle was the God Of Angel Sharks and when they formed nothing (or none could make a decision anyway) it had to be the God Of Plankton; pretty harmless fellow.


Inspired by: Guardian, HowStuffWorks and Huffington Post

Gold matters

Ermos, the young alchemist, abandoned all hope the last 2 years. Nothing would save his profession. If you wanted to turn things into gold you’d better be a wizard or a fairy. From the beginning, alchemists were trying in vain. You could spend your whole life in chemistry, atoms, molecules and really explosive experiments but the outcome was never gold; or anything you could use anyway.

It all started hundreds of years ago when someone said he did it. Midas was the first alchemist in history. Then he became rich by making mountains of gold, destroyed the recipe and died without telling anyone how the hell he did it. They accused him of wizardry or fairyness or even of having secret agreements with aliens that helped him with advanced technology but he denied every accusation. And no one had proof to condemn him. If they could prove he was a wizard, the wizard's palace would turn him into a training broom with five seats or if they could find a fairy ancestor in his family he would be sent to Fairylands for unfree labour in their feather care salons. And if anyone saw him talking to aliens, that was the worst one, he would be sold to the Cyclops for a slave*.

Wizards, fairies and aliens could make gold out of anything but were not allowed to, after signing of the Fair Competition Agreement. If anyone left free to do his magical, genetic or technological stuff that easily, then there were going to be serious problems. Dwarfs would possess all diamonds and precious stones hidden underground, Pythia would foretell everything about the future causing complete chaos, boredom or depression, wizards would have absolute power over every living creature (without adding the problems arising from the increase of the frog population). Cyclops would definitely eat all humankind and what would that leave to fairies? Nothing at all. They would surely be left behind. And so would gods. What would a god do in a place where his godly powers were not only his? You can't punish someone with a thunder if he and his friends will answer with phasers…

Midas died in his 120 year birthday calling himself an alchemist and accusing everyone of not having an open mind. His last words were: “just because I don't want to share my secret scientific recipe to make gold, that doesn't mean I am a wizard, fairy or a friend of the aliens. I studied chemistry and science. If you want to accuse me of something you'd better find yourselves a good lawyer; a huge part of my fortune comes from winning all your demonic law suits”.

Nowadays all that was a joke. Choosing to be an alchemist was the most ridiculous thing you could do. During the first years he thought he would make it. Now he was just a poor beggar who studied chemistry, an unusual and totally unneeded science. Furthermore, once his house was blown up by the last explosion during his last experiment 2 years ago, he was homeless too.

A fairy went close by and threw a coin in his hat. She seemed compassionate and conversational. All fairies were like that when they saw humans. To them, all humans were ugly, poor and helpless creatures, let alone a beggar. That was why they never missed a chance to show compassion and mainly look compassionate to the other fairies flying by.
- What is your name, my poor boy?
- Ermos. Thank you.
- Oh, it’s nothing. Just a coin. What happened? Why have you ended up like this? At your age… you have all your life ahead of you, you know.
- No one will hire me. I studied chemistry.
- Oh.
- And it gets worse... to be an alchemist.
- Oh, dear!
The fairy could barely hide her laughs. An old wizard came closer. One's misfortune is everyone's entertainment. The old man didn't even search his pockets for a coin. He started his questions right away.
- No one ever told you that you can't legally make all the gold you like? And what about other alchemists? Have you met another alchemist succeed or have you met another alchemist at all? There is no one in history who accomplished it except that deceiving old fox who certainly wasn't a true alchemist! Didn't you know all that?
- I did.
Now, around him there were more twenty fairies, wizards and humans. They were laughing, criticizing and kept asking questions. And no coins in his hat.
- Then why have you chosen to waste your life like that?
- Yeah, why?
- Well, I wanted to keep an open mind...
- What does that mean?
- Open-mindedness is when you hear about stuff and you don't believe them but you choose to see the facts first and test them yourself just in case they are true. Well, to do that with alchemy, I found that you have to study chemistry first and then experiment. A lot. I've found out lots of things but all of them totally useless.
- What could one possibly find out from... chemistry?
- Lots of stupid and useless stuff...of course. Like, like I can make lips turn red forever and I accidentally found of a substance that can paint hair whatever colour one likes without having to fear of the rain or worry about dirty pillows. But who would be interested in changing the colour of his hair or skin, after all? And I've discovered a fabric that glistens in the dark just like fairies feathers. Or those nano glasses that could make one's eye colour black or green or violet. Totally nonsense. The most bizarre thing was a dust that if one inhales it, his body becomes 20 years younger. Hundreds of boring new things and none of them gold. I'm sorry, I shouldn't bother you with my chemistry stuff.
Their eyes started glistening like fairies feathers. Some touching their grey hair, others looking at their old skin and humans so happy and fearful the same time, just like if they saw Zeus himself.
- Oh god! Black hair? You can actually paint my grey hair, black?
- And my eyes? I can have violet eyes?
The wizard stepped forward and grabbed his hand.
- Well... I've always encouraged open-mindedness... come along, I have a huge house, let's start those experiments again... Leave the poor boy alone everyone. See, you try to make gold and I will clean all the mess. You know, those dusts and nano glasses and fabrics and substances that are absolutely worthless? I will help you.
- But...but...
Before he finished his sentence a spaceship above them, grabbed the boy and disappeared in seconds. In a few months the colour of your hair was according to what those alien fashion magazines thrown monthly by spaceships, dictated. Your eye colour and clothes too. Oh and your age.

His last words in his 120 year birthday were: “when you look for gold, you must always be open minded. For what you seek is almost never a stone, or yellow or glows. It could very well be a dozen won law suits, black eyes turned into blue or even an Anti Wrinkle Ermos Cream. Take an alchemist's word for that, believe me, I know matter”.


  • * Not a slave really. Cyclops ate all the humans they bought but called them slaves after taking legal advice from their demon attorneys. The law for Human rights was very strict. If you called a human being “food” you were sentenced to prison for life. But if you called him “slave” you couldn't be touched. And then afterwards, being your property, you could do anything you liked with him; breakfast, supper or lunch.

    Inspired by: cnet


Unfulfilled missions

The philosopher came closer and sat on the black rock. “I think I can help you” he said. Cerberus stopped crying. He raised his middle head so as to better listen to what a philosopher would say about all this. He had to find a solution quickly. It had been centuries since he decided to do something about his life and he wouldn’t wait.

He would not use eternity as an excuse anymore. It was about time he took the big step. He wanted to live in a sunnier place. He hated Haros and all that bragging about his stupid boat and those names he and his Siren friends called him all the time. Of course, Hades was the best place for you if you were a monstrous dog with three heads, huge teeth and red eyes. It was actually the only place where you could find a permanent and well paid job without having to live in a cage, being whipped all the time or jumping through flames before a cheering crowd. Being the chief guard of Hade’s Gates was nice for the first five centuries. Then, Cerberus had had it.

He was so tired of the darkness and dead people. He was fed up with their anger, their fears, regrets and oh dear gods, all those unfulfilled missions.
They were all convinced they had left behind unfinished stuff and insisted on going back, fulfill them and then die. That was definitely the worst part of his job. He spent most of his working hours trying to keep dead humans inside Hade’s Gates.

It was inconceivable for the dead those days to accept that life didn’t necessarily have to mean anything. It was impossible to make them understand that it was absolutely okay to be born, live and die without doing anything remarkable in between. Just live with no miracles or uniqueness involved, just plain good biology. It was completely beyond his comprehension why humans would believe that crap, why there had to be something more to them, an inner light, a higher purpose, a meaning.

He certainly had underestimated Hybris. She had done an excellent job. Her priests had filled those poor people’s minds with lots of flattering stuff to help them cope with their unimportant, ugly lives and make money for the temple. It worked very well for the people and the temple.

The whole conception was so simple and yet dam clever. If someone convinces you that the universe has a plan just for you, you feel unique. You feel important. It made people get up in the morning because they now knew, that life would soon reveal their purpose. They only had to have their eyes, ears and hearts open to recognize the signs and most importantly, they had to be thankful every single day for everything life had given - or not given -them.
From that moment on, it was like a virus infection. Once you heard those words, you were instantly turned to a happy moron. You saw signs and meanings and messages from the gods all over the place and if kicked in the butt you were thankful for maybe this was a sign too.

Cerberus knew from the beginning that humans were badly fooled. After all he was immortal and had to live in the dark for an eternity. What kind of higher purpose would that be? And on top of it, he had to cope with hundreds dying every day complaining about their unfulfilled missions or surely having missed the signs, all ending up shouting and trying to escape from Hade’s Gates. And as the chief Guard of the Gates, Cerberus had to protect Hades image too.

He tried logic once “just because your parents abandoned you in the jungle, it doesn’t mean that you should become the Lord of the Jungle. Oh, and apes don’t always eat bananas”. Then he tried lies and even flattery “this is the most suitable place for your own personal mission. You know… the one the universe has just for you? You must certainly be the Messiah of Hades. Just wait for the signs and you will believe me”. Nothing worked. Someone already tricked by flattery isn’t easy to trick again unless you give him something a lot bigger. If one’s mind is already near the sun, being promised the moon is of no interest at all. You have to blow one’s mind sometimes.

The philosopher lit his pipe and exhaled a large cloud of smoke and then started making smoke rings looking very thoughtful. Cerberus tried not to keep his hopes high. One of the things he learned after dealing with dead philosophers all this time, was that whenever a philosopher doesn´t feel the need to grab his last chance for philosophy right away, then it is possible that he has nothing philosophic to say and most probably never had.

- The problem is, that you don´t value your existence enough.
- And how is that?
- You see our existence is a lot more than the things we already know my dear Cerberus. There are things beyond me and you. Beyond life and existence. Just waiting to be revealed.
- Oh? And what more would there be beyond life, death, Hades and the gods?
- I’m not talking about the present necessarily.
- Okay, you are telling me that there is life after eternity?
- I’m not talking about life after eternity. It's all about your life during eternity.
- What about it?
- Our life you see, has a higher purpose. The universe has a special plan just...
- ...for me?
- Exactly.
- And I suppose I have to keep my eyes, ears and heart open to recognize the signs?
- That's the spirit. And don't forget to be thankful...
- Oh, yes. That too. And your purpose in life? Has the universe revealed it for you?
- Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about in the first place. I need a favor. Tell me, are you acquainted with the philosophical term “unfulfilled missions”?

Inspired by: Atheist Ethicist :D


Ethics In Dystopia

Pythia run out from the oracle screaming, cursing and casting spells to innocent people. Every time she opened her mouth something really bad would happen. Zeus would come up with a thunder, Poseidon with a Cracken or Aphrodite with a new lover. All three very painful.

It was obvious that Pythia’s religious feelings were too strong to handle any more. You only had to draw her attention away from her Gods for seconds, or just ask her a very simple question, one that even a child could easily answer, something like “what is the Aquarius zodiac sign compatibility?” or "what does Zeus think of abortions?" and she became furious. And people kept coming from all over Dystopia for her prophecies. It was her job after all. But even a mosquito could make her mad those days. Her speaking to gods was like an addiction.

The only thing she wanted to do day and night, was to talk to her Gods which would be exactly what she was expected to do, unless she didn’t leave out the part of telling people what gods wished them to do. She had to be a medium and not in the middle of god's will. Talking to gods was a common addiction* for priests.

People called the Priest Of All Gods to help her. He went near her, rose his hands and spoke:
Don't do to others what you don't want others do to you”.

In any other universe this would be a great piece of advice. Pure wisdom. It would spread like pollen and be fertile enough for generations to come. However in Dystopia, such confident speaking was not something wise on it's own. You never took it for granted. No matter who said it, no matter how well he said it, it had to be really wise. Or at least, make sense.

People protested: “That’s not fair!” They began shouting until someone said:
- Let me ask you this, you stupid old man. Let’s suppose I like spaghetti and my mother likes pizza. That means that she must always eat spaghetti, right? And… I must always eat pizza?
- No, no… I meant…
- Yeah! And I hate wearing pink but my girlfriend loves it. What kind of cruel religion would suggest I don’t buy her pink shoes for her birthdays just because I don’t like pink bought for me?
- My pig loves mud. My little son loves mud too. Oh, I don’t even want to think about it, you monster!

Pythia moved near the Priest Of All Gods. She whispered to his ear: “I can get you out of this” she said.
- Really?
- Piece of cake.
- Then do that right this instant young lady, what are you waiting for?
- If I do that, you will leave me alone afterwards, let’s say… for 3 weeks?
- Deal.
- No visits, no prophecies, no daily horoscopes or any other questions asked?
- Do it now!
- Just me and my oracle, my absolutely essential ehm… spiritual substances and my Gods? Oh… and some chocolate, maybe?
- Done.

Pythia stood up. “Calm down mortals”, she said. The crowd went silent. She used to speak so seldom and they payed her so much for her godly words, that even if she made no sense, everyone would pay attention. The connection of Pythia’s prophesies with logic would be made afterwards. Or not, but you never admitted that of course.
- This old man is no ordinary old man. He is in fact very wise and so are his words. It’s the Hydra in his brain that is responsible for all this nonsense. Spirits told me just yesterday that the Gods felt jealous of his wisdom and so they put a tiny Hydra in his head.
- Really?
- Cross my heart. So, every time Logic cuts a head, Insanity grows back three. For every word he tries to say, his brain Hydra grows three more that make no sense at all and kicks them out of his mouth.
- Ewwww!
- If you see to it, It’s not him you should blame but you. You are the ones who should find the wise words in everything he says. You are the ones to discover the golden rule hidden in what he told you today and not his poor sick old brain! People started to rethink his words. Some of them, loud.
- I found it! It must be “Don’t’ do others. Do you”
- What does that mean?
- No, no it’s the exact opposite: “Do others, not you”
- Rubbish! I got it. It’s “Do you do others?”
- I will leave you now. You can continue your group therapy to wisdom. You are doing fine. You almost got it. Take my word for it. Keep it up!

Pythia left the Priest Of All Gods enjoy some enthusiastic cheering everytime someone from the crowd made a new combination of his words. He eventually felt free to say whatever religious nonsense he wanted, with absolutely no consequences to the Church’s image, for a change. A true Zen experience. Pythia closed the oracle’s door behind her, re-opened it in a hurry, hung the “Spirits Gone Fishing” sign and closed it again.

  • It’s that kind of addiction all religious people have, after talking once to their gods. Since you do that, it seems that you can’t get enough (most times, there is serious spiritual substances involved but that’s a sacrifice you have to make for your faith and has absolutely nothing to do with how religious you realy are).


Inspired by: myLot


Heaven

Living in Dystopia and having to face plain skinned reality is not something you are born with, you don’t choose it. Snow White would definitely prefer Disneyland, Hollywood or even Bollywood but she soon found out that ending up in Dystopia is not necessarily a bad thing; at least not all the times.

Of course, it is not easy for a foreigner to completely understand what it is like to be a Dystopian. Some days it feels like it just takes the happiness from your face and hides it so far away that only if you desperately want it back, you must climb the biggest mountain in Dystopia, kill a dragon, kill his dragon wife, kill their two dragon babies, find the princess, kill the princess, eat her heart and then finally you find your happiness*.

However, some other days, Dystopia is like heaven. You suddenly get the feeling that life just stopped, that time does not exist. The streets are now quiet, the sounds of birds and children are not heard anymore and everything is silent and calm. And although such feelings last only a few minutes before a huge storm, another Great Depression or any other disaster you have to cope with at least once a week, no one doubts that it still feels like heaven; only a hotter one.

  • *in a really nice place with kind people who will take care of you for the rest of your life for free. This is the main reason why you feel too obliged and you say nothing when they bring you presents, like those new clean white shirts with the long sleeves they insist on tying to your back.


    Inspired by: It's a Depression