Holistic Moms


(on the phone)

She has all the symptoms I am sure she caught it from school. Yes, demons again. She is possessed I tell you!
What? But it is obvious. The room is cold, her face is white, her teeth are brown and she exhales smelly smoke while speaking those unknown words.
You know, those ancient languages the possessed mumble all the time?
Yes, it seems those demons inside want to convince us they are old, educated and well respected, something like the chief demons of the first hierarchy.
Exactly how stupid they think we all are?Tell me dear, have you ever met a demon of a lower rank? Have you? I thought so!
I mean come on you can’t all be the Devil himself. What happened to the second or the third demonic hierarchies? But you can’t fool me misters. I went to school, remember?
And all that ancient language crap?
Give me a break anyone can do that. Especially if you are possessing children whose parent’s only idea of ancient times is Indiana Jones.
Tell me dear, have you ever heard of a linguistics professor ever been possessed by demons? Exactly.
I wonder when my baby is going to recover fully. I informed her school and they said she could miss class for a week but I am not sure if she will recover by then.
What worries me most is that she says the F word all the time! I’m telling you the minute those demons leave her body she is grounded.
What? Call the exorcists? Oh no dear. I’m no that kind of a mother. Those priests are no good for our children. Did you know that during an exorcism just after the priest dies, you could lose your child too?
I know! It seems sometimes some of those careless ignorants misdiagnose the exact size of the demonic infection and fail to count correctly all the demons inhabiting your children’s body.
But of course they won’t tell such things to parents. Oh no! They just send you those “Demon Control” leaflets all the time with the updated numbers and addresses of your region’s exorcists, their charges and then they expect you to stay to that. No misters. This mother is cleverer than that.
Have you seen the statistics? Yes, on the internet. There is a site called “Woo Science Exposed”. Well dear, allow me to inform you that 2% of our children die every year during those exorcisms! Yeah.
Absolutely true.
Heard about the Spring allergies burst? Ha! Let me tell you about those allergies!
No one knows what they put in that “holly water” stuff they soak your child. Judging from the blue smoke after the skin is burned this “holly water” must be full of chemicals or acids. “Prayers and Love make Holly Water”, my ass!
No. I’m not going to put my child in such a danger. I am an educated person and I have an open mind.
Just because they were the only ones to treat demonic possessions till now, this doesn’t mean they can keep underestimating our intelligence!
They can sabotage all new treatment they want by telling lies to parents but nowadays some of us can easily find out when they do.
Oh please stop it. Just do the math 2% is serious risk. It means that my child has a big chance to die. Come on a 2% of the infected children dead?
Die from a demonic possession? I’m sorry but that’s too ridiculous to accept. It’s like telling me that I can die from a cold. Last time I checked we were still in the 21st century!
I only say why don’t we give a chance to those modern and well educated holistic priests? They use a lot healthier and natural medicine to cure demonic possessions and they have no risk at all. It is 100% pure religion, no chemistry involved.
What do you mean side effects and deaths? Zero. None. 0%.
Really. And even the priests survive the exorcism. All of them.
Give me a break, that’s lies! Of course they are effective!
Okay maybe sometimes a demon or two escapes them but we’re talking Legions here! Maybe one of them cowards scared enough to come out of the body hides deeper inside the organs.
Between me and you I prefer that than the classic aggressive treatment that makes demons jump out of the body without caring to find the proper exit first.
But with holistic priests you have no such risks and you can always do a corrective exorcism! And another. And another.
After all they cost so little and they also offer you a two-month Mind Purification totally free of charge after the final exorcism.
What? But it is important! How can I let my child without purification after all those filthy thoughts the demons put in her brain?
Give me a break. Of course children remember everything! No, those memories hide and work underneath doing strange stuff to their brains. Have you heard of hypnosis? Oh well, it’s the only way to heal your subconscious demonic thoughts responsible for future failure in life.
Yes, they are coming today to evaluate the condition.
What? Your father?
No. No messages. What about your mother? Oh, I don’t know about her. I forgot to ask. But believe me if your mother has a message for you, they would tell me without asking. Nobody messes with your mother.
Yes, I’m sure she’s in heaven, dear! No it’s fine, okay I will ask, I guess it’ won’t hurt them to answer one more tiny question, it is such a small favor and after all they are free to shout whatever they want all day along with the F word, so they better give me two minutes for my messages or I will call the priests with the acids and the chemicals! Haha!
Oh, I have to go dear! It’s my only chance to clean that messy bed.
Yes it started. By now she must have reached the ceiling. Yes, yes, it’s been two minutes since the bed started shaking.
I say twenty more minutes and she’s down again. Oh yes, I can make it. It is enough for me. There is plenty of time to make it presentable again.
Oh no, no, she is asleep. She is too afraid of heights; you would hear her screams if she was awake! Well, demons or not, I have to clean that bed before they come for the holistic exorcism.
Yes dear, I will call you later.
God bless us all.

Inspired by: On open – mindedness :D